Since leaving rehab on Christmas Eve I have been slowly
progressing. I am walking with a walker,
though I hope soon to progress to a cane and I am exercising upper and lower
body muscles every day. I saw the
surgeon this past week who said everything is progressing as expected and told
me that on Monday I could take off the horrendous brace I have been wearing 24
hours a day since the surgery, though I should make sure and keep it (not a
promising instruction - but one made because of problems of this kind of
surgery dislocating-ouch). She also
verified that there were clear margins on the bone that was taken out which is
a very good thing. There has been
definite improvement in my mobility, though frustratingly slow in my opinion. Monday I start outpatient physical therapy
which will include water exercise (much better for my arthritic knees and dislocating knee caps) since I can finally get
my leg up in the car without the assistance of a child. Early February I have an appointment with the
medical oncologist in Houston at which I hope to discuss some promising studies
with immune therapy that my local oncologist brought to my attention. Unless those studies are available, I don't
forsee any other current treatment. They will also do further testing on a nodule
that has appeared in the lower leg.
While an occupational therapist made her visit the other
day we got to discussing a man in an Asian country known for children and
babies being left on the streets to die, who made a box for parents to place a
child anonymously where they would then be cared for. The therapist was wondering at how much this
one person did because he saw a need and followed through and how little we
seem to do in our day by day lives despite seeing needs. Having cancer has made me much more aware (and
convicted) of how much time I waste and how many good works go by me undone due
to my idleness or for a variety of excuses.
I find my time utilization very different now that I am not working and
since small activities take up more time than they once did. I struggle with my current use of the time
God has given me as it is not the same
as it was when I was working and dashing home to be a mother and teacher.
In thinking on this, I have been rereading a booklet by Adolphe Monod, A Dying Man's Regrets in his chapter on The Use of Time (http://www.tracts.ukgo.com/monod_farewell16.pdf to
read the entire article - a worthy read).
He says, "Ah! how sufficient
and precious is the time God gives us!
God, who is just, proportions the time to the work and the work to the
time and never gives us a good work to do for which time is lacking, nor does
He give us a moment in which we have not some good thing to do." He encourages putting into practice
Ecclesiastes 9:10 "Whatever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might," and reminds us that we do not belong to
ourselves and so our time is not ours in the first place. When I misuse the time I am given, I am
stealing from the One who gave it to me.
This becomes so much more evident when faced with your mortality as I
have been with my cancer.
Secondly, Monod reminds us to be diligent in seizing the
opportunities God holds out to us. We
need to be praying that God would show us what He would have us do. We also must be willing to follow
through. I remember praying this years
back and shortly an opportunity presented itself to lead a girl's Bible study
for an age group I felt totally unprepared to lead. I
almost said no, but decided it was an answer to my prayer and so followed up
with it. I can't begin to say how many blessings have flowed out of that study
and how many deep friendships that have lasted many a year.
Thirdly, Monod encourages us to do our work methodically
and with organization. He encourages
punctuality in getting up, going to bed, having our Bible reading and prayer
time as well as the activities of our daily lives. Another writer, Jay Adams, in his booklet Discipline to Godliness instructs us to
force ourselves to do things daily over and over to make them a habit (http://www.peacemakers.net/resources/adams/gtd.htm
- another great read). As he says
discipline means work.
Lastly, in his thoughts on time, Monod tells us that it
is our duty to keep our bodies and minds in such a condition that they will not
be an obstacle to what God wants us to do.
Thus we fight the depression we may be prone to, the self interests that
get in our way, the desire for human glory that threatens to stop us and the
bodily weakness that comes from not caring rightly for the body God gave
us. He ends with a thought that I am
convicted to make my own, when he says, My
friends, none of us knows how long God may still leave us here; but we do know the time He has already given
us, and the reproaches we deserve for the use we have made of it. Let us lay hold of what is still before us,
whether strong or weak, sick or in good health, living or dying. We have a Saviours every moment of whose time
was given up to obedience to God: let us
follow in His footsteps to glory, by way of the cross, and at the end we shall
hear that loving voice saying:
"Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I
will make thee ruler over many things."
As I try to organize my time in this new period in my
life, I often stop to think as I crochet and knit, as I read and study, as I
sort boxes or sell stuff on e-bay, as I transfer slides from my parents years
on the mission field, and as I spend time exercising my body to get back in
shape of what else I should be doing. My
daily prayer has become, "Lord, don't let me waste this cancer and don't
let me waste my time. Show me what I
need to do and give me the grace and strength to do it. Use me for Your sake." It is a fearful prayer as I don't know what
He would have me do, but as I look to an eternity with Him, I long for Him to
be able to say of me "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."
