Recently I had my routine
visit with my oncologist. In the absence
of new symptoms we once again made the decision to hold off on routine scans
unless, or until, they occur. That visit
made me realize that, despite the fact that the cancer has not reared its ugly
head again in the last three years, that "normal" will never again
look like it did before the diagnosis in 2010.
Today's normal includes not being able to work as I deal with symptoms
that weren't there before: chronic pain, limited mobility, fatigue and chemo
brain - a very frustrating but often humorous symptom. In addition it also includes a greater
appreciation of the awesomeness of God's steadfast love and the simple joys in
daily life. The new normal includes
great pleasure in interacting with three grandchildren whom I (humanly
speaking) was not supposed to live to see.
It also includes a backdrop of apprehension as I live with the tension
of wondering if the cancer will return before my latest grandbaby is born in
November. Daily life has changed greatly
for me in this new normal and has caused an underlying frenzy that asks,
"What now?"
Not long ago, for the umpteenth time, I finished
reading the Psalms while at the same time I completed a study of Hebrews
chapter 11. I have always marveled that
the Psalms are full of lament, frustration and fear. That in itself gives me great hope. In an odd way I found that my study in Hebrews followed very closely
with the Psalms and helped to answer my question of "What now?" The last part of Hebrews 10 shows that the eleventh
chapter was written to a church that had been through a great deal of
suffering. Then come the examples God
chose to give of those who followed in faith in chapter 11. The beginning of chapter 12 explains that He
gave us those examples so they could be a great "cloud of witnesses"
to us and encourage us to endure and run the race with patience. Many were the lessons I was able to glean
from my reading and studying.
One of the most notable lessons from this "Walk of
Faith" was that each and every one of those whose faith was considered
worthy to be testified of, suffered.
Their suffering was in various ways and to different degrees, but they
all suffered. As Christians we are
promised we will suffer as well as be tried for our faith (see James 1,
Philippians 3:10, Luke 9:23-24, Romans 8:17 to name only a few). Looking at these individuals lives alongside
the Psalms (and Job) it seems that the suffering can include much more than
ridicule and persecution for faith. I
think it is fair to say that physical and mental health issues, heartbreak,
relationship struggles, financial issues and so much more can be included. More than that it seems that God's agenda is
not just to relieve our suffering, but to redeem us through suffering which
should cause us to look not only for symptom relief but for the fruit of the Spirit
in the midst of hardship.
Looking further at these individuals it is fascinating
to see that they all had weaknesses.
Moses complained that he couldn't talk, Gideon repeatedly questioned his
calling and Rahab made her living as a
harlot. All were sinful. All were
weak. Yet God used their weakness
greatly. He didn't just use them despite
their weakness. He used them through their weakness. Paul says, "My strength is made perfect
in weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9). Here is where the Psalms of lament
come alongside Hebrews 11. The Psalms
make it clear that we can cry out to God with our fears and frustrations in our
weakness and suffering and this passage in Hebrews shows us that God can and
will use us in the same weakness and suffering.
It is a great comfort to me as I relate this to my own life and see that
God is greater than my cancer and its effects.
It gives me great hope that He will use that and my many weaknesses for
His kingdom.
Another major lesson I gleaned from Hebrews 11 was
found as I looked at the vision each of those testified of had. They all looked in faith for something far
off that they would never see in this life.
The end of that chapter and beginning of chapter 12 makes it clear that we
have much more than they did since we can look back to Christ's great sacrifice
and life even as we look past our time on this earth to the glory that will be
ahead. What is so marvelous is that the
vision we have in Christ is sure and doesn't depend on us!
Lastly it is very clear in Hebrews 11 that God wants it
plain that, while He uses His people, it is His might and not our faith that
accomplishes. Sarah's plan to produce a
son failed and God waited past her childbearing years to fulfill His promise.
He caused Gideon's battle to be won with only 300 fighting men against a large
army to show it was His hand the battle was won. The Israelites crossed the Red
Sea on dry land as God held back the waters.
What peace it gives me to know that Jesus is the author and finisher of
my faith (Hebrews 12:2)! There is great
security when my faith feels weak in knowing that I don't hope in my hope or my
faith, but instead I hope in God who gives me that hope and faith.
So, while my "What now?" question in my
"new normal" is not specifically answered in Hebrews 11, I am
encouraged to follow the examples in that passage and run the race with
endurance. For me - today - all I know
is that means striving to reflect Christ every day in my thoughts, words and
actions. As He himself set the prime
example before me, I pray daily that He will help me to befriend the
unfriendly, help the weak, love the unlovely, give mercy to those in need walking
beside those who suffer greater burdens than mine helping them to carry their
load.
John Calvin says we should
pray to God that He "would increase our hope when it is small, awaken it
when it is dormant, confirm it when it is wavering, strengthen it when it is
weak, and that he would even raise it up when it is overthrown."
"The practical belief
of the existence of God, as revealed in the word, would be a powerful awe-band
upon our souls, a bridle of restraint to keep us from sin, and a spur of
constraint to put us upon all manner of gospel obedience." (Matthew Henry
on Hebrews 11)
Now, the metaphor of a race is often
to be found in Scripture; but here it means not any kind of race, but a running
contest, which is wont to call forth the greatest exertions. The import of what
is said then is, that we are engaged in a contest, even in a race the most celebrated,
that many witnesses stand around us, that the Son of God is the umpire who
invites and exhorts us to secure the prize, and that therefore it would be most
disgraceful for us to grow weary or inactive in the midst of our course. And at
the same time the holy men whom he mentioned, are not only witnesses, but have
been associates in the same race, who have beforehand shown the way to us; and
yet he preferred calling them witnesses rather than runners, in order to
intimate that they are not rivals, seeking to snatch from us the prize, but
approves to applaud and hail our victory; and Christ also is not only the
umpire, but also extends his hand to us, and supplies us with strength and
energy; in short, he prepares and fits us to enter on our course, and by his
power leads us on to the end of the race. (John Calvin on Hebrews 11)
