Praying for God's Will

 

Over the last months I have been faced with the rapidly increasing spread of my cancer and the knowledge that my days on this earth are greatly numbered. I am transitioning to palliative care after finishing radiation to the latest lesions on my low spine. I, as well as many others, have prayed over the years for healing. Growing up as a child I was taught to always add "but Thy will be done" to my prayers, which I believe is a very biblical practice. I have thought of that addition to my prayers lately as I am well aware that it seems that God has chosen to not heal me physically until I arrive home in heaven.

Recently I spent a good amount of time praying fervently about something. I am not certain how that prayer was answered but I struggled greatly with the fact that I did not know if it was answered in the way I desired and thought best.   It made me very aware as I thought about my reaction that while I prayed for God's will to be done I really wanted God's will to be my will. That struggle caused me to think about how often we do that. We pray for God's will when we really want our own will.

Today I was contemplating one of my favorite Bible characters, Joseph. How different would his life have been if God had answered what his prayers likely were: to be rescued from his brothers, to be rescued from prison and on and on. Yet God had a much greater plan for Joseph; a plan that impacted not only Joseph but two nations and definitely brought glory to God. God likewise has a much greater plan for the answers to our prayers than we can even imagine!

R.C. Sproul in his book titled Joseph says this:

 When God vindicated his servant, he did it far above and beyond anything that Joseph could have asked or thought. That is God. That is the promise that's made again and again in the New Testament: if we are willing to endure suffering and humiliation for a season, God has promised a future for his people beyond what the eye has seen, the ear has heard, or the heart has imagined (see I Corinthians 2:9). We can't imagine the wondrous things that God has in store for his people who trust him in times of languishing in prison.

My hope and prayer for myself as well as for you is that when we pray for God's will to be done that we are given the faith to really desire it and be ready to accept it. And when God gives answers that are not what we hoped for, I pray for joy in the knowledge that His ways truly are the better way.

I Corinthians 2:9 “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

He Rose, and So Shall I

A blood test last week showed a dramatic increase in just under two months of sarcoma tumor cells being released into my blood stream.  A scan has been ordered to see if there are any spots where radiation might be effective in relieving symptoms. While this news was disappointing,  I was grateful that it came on Easter  weekend.  What a great reminder that Jesus died and rose from the dead and is even now preparing a place in heaven for me!
My son Christopher in a Sunday school lesson Easter morning said this, "The cross and Resurrection change everything not only because of the redemption from individual sin made possible, but because the resurrection is Jesus’ triumph over death, the devil, and all the spiritual powers arrayed against God. All the power and fear of sin and death that entered the world in Adam's sin have been broken because of Jesus’ resurrection."  The Sting of death is gone. Christ is risen and death will be overthrown. Christ is risen! He reigns and so will I.

So many Good Friday and Easter hymns have special meaning for me this year. Here are a few verses that particularity struck me.

 

My prayer is the third verse of O Sacred Head, Now Wounded:

 

What language shall I borrow
To thank thee, dearest Friend
For this, thy dying sorrow
Thy pity without end?
Oh, make me thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never, never
Outlive my love to thee

My joy is the third verse of What Wondrous Love Is This,

 

And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on, I'll sing on
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing and joyful be
And through eternity, I'll sing on, I'll sing on
And through eternity, I'll sing on

 

And so sing with me these words from  Lift Up, Lift Up Your Voices Now

 

Lift up, lift up your voices now;
The whole wide world rejoices now:
The Lord hath triumphed gloriously,
The Lord shall reign victoriously.

In vain with stone the cave they barred;
In vain the watch kept ward and guard:
Majestic from the spoiled tomb,
In pomp of triumph Christ is come.

He binds in chains the ancient foe;
A countless host he frees from woe,
And heav'n's high portal open flies,
For Christ has ris'n, and man shall rise.

And all he did, and all he bare,
He gives us as our own to share;
And hope and joy and peace begin,
For Christ has won, and man shall win.

O Victor, aid us in the fight,
And lead through death to realms of light:
We safely pass where thou hast trod;
In thee we die to rise to God.

Thy flock, from sin and death set free,
Glad alleluias raise to thee;
And ever with the heavenly host

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghos 

Tears

 A few weeks ago a blood test showed that the sarcoma, not surprisingly, is once again wrecking havoc in my body. I had a few weeks to consider it while waiting for a PET scan to determine where it has settled now. The scan did not pinpoint where it has popped up which is both good and bad.  We know it is there as the dna blood test was very elevated, but, at least, it is not wide spread. Until worsening symptoms arise and more scans are ordered, I wait and rejoice in each day I have.

 As I awaited the scan results I felt anew that there is a shadow that hangs close to me - the shadow of death. Even as I am reminded with great comfort, that the Shepherd walks with me through that Valley of the Shadow of Death - however long it is, I shed some tears. Tears in anticipating that the day is coming when I will not be able to be the influence that Lois in the Bible was to her grandson Timothy, to my own grandchildren; tears that one day I will not be able to care for my special need son; and mostly tears for the tears that I know family and friends will shed.

 Thinking on this over the last few weeks I decided to focus on tears in the Bible - a very enlightening study. It amazes me how many of God’s children cried out to Him with tears all seen and heard by Him. I don't doubt that likewise He knows and feels my tears. As Psalm 56:8 says in one of the most precious verses in the Bible to me, God bottles up our tears and writes them down in His book!

Even as I think of these tears that I have shed I am reminded of what Ephesians 1:4 says, that even before he made the world God loved me and chose me in Christ! I am overwhelmed when I consider that before God ever said "let there be light", before He ever made the world, before He ever made the mountains or the oceans or caused the sun to shine.... before all of that He knew and He loved me!  And what an awesome thought to think that this is the same God who in the person of Jesus wept at the death of his friend, Lazarus and at the tears of Lazarus’s sisters! “His cheeks were bedewed with tears such as those which drop from our eyes, and by those tears all knew what manner of love he had towards his chosen. Blessed be his name!” (Charles Spurgeon) This is the same Jesus who knows my tears and promises one day to wipe them away!

 Charles Spurgeon in a great sermon on Jesus weeping says, "Jesus was no unsuffering seraph, no cherub incapable of grief, but he was bone of our bone, and flesh of our flesh; and therefore "Jesus wept."  ‘Jesus wept’" to teach us how to baptize our prayers unto God in a wave of heart grief.” ... his sympathy lies not alone in words, not even wholly in deeds - it is more tender than these can be. Only his heart could express His tender sympathy, and then it was by tears - tears which were brought up like gold from the ore-bed of the heart, minted in the eyes, and then put in circulation as current coin of the merchant, each one bearing the King’s image and superscription.”

 “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, Mine!”  (Abraham Kyuper). What a great reminder that Christ cries “Mine” over everything in our lives: our pain, our cancer, our heath issues, our tears, our heart breaks, our struggles. Yes - our very life and death.