Steadfast Love

           For about a month and a half I have suffered from a significant increase in pain.  Providentially scans I had last week showed no return of the cancer!  Apparently the pain is  a result of degeneration in several joints and in the spine. I am very grateful to God that He still has use for me on this earth!

              During this same period of time I was doing a word study of the word "hesed" in the Bible; a word translated often as steadfast love or mercy.  It is used over 200 times in the Bible, usually referring to God's great love for His people.  As I studied all the places the word is used I was humbled thinking of God's great love for me.  The thought that His steadfast love for me endures forever and is higher than the heavens above touched my soul deeply.  As I reflected daily on His love I started noticing great cloud formations. Each time I saw their magnificence I was in awe of the fact that God's love for me went beyond what I could see in the skies above!  To this day, I sometimes have to pull to the side of the road when driving to contemplate this message. As I did this word study, and at the same time wondered if the cancer had once again reared its ugly head, I wrote some personalization of several passages in the Bible which I include below. 

Prayer requests:  Praise God with me that this was not a return of the cancer.  I also covet prayers as I seek to find ways of relieving the pain without depending too much on medication.  Also pray with me that God would glorify Himself in me and use me well in this added time He allows me to remain on this earth.

God is my refuge and my strength

A very present help in the time of trouble!

Though my body may fail me,

Though the cancer one day rise up against me,

Though pain should overwhelm me,

Yet He will never leave me or forsake me. (Psalm 46)

I will be still and know that He is God

He will be exalted among the nations

And He will be exalted even in me!

He is the LORD of Hosts,

He is the God of His people. (Psalm 46)

He will never leave me or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)

He surrounds me with His steadfast love.

Totally undeserved, it is abounding,

His mercy is great beyond all understanding.

It is inexhaustible. (Numbers 14)

I will give thanks and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever.

His steadfast love extends

As high as the heavens above.

It causes me as one of His children

To rest under the shadow of His wings. (Psalm 36)

I will give thanks and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever.

I will not hide His steadfast love

From His people.

I will declare it all around me,

For in His faithfulness He preserves me. (Psalm 40)

I will give thanks and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever.

Though, at times, tears flow day and night, (Psalm 42)

Yet I  remember He who collects them all in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8)

He is the one who surrounds me with His steadfast love

And gives me a song when I lay awake in the night. (Psalm 42)

I will give thanks and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever.

In my time of distress

I will sing of His steadfast love

As it is my fortress and my refuge

From a faithful God who has all power. (Psalm 59)

I will give thanks and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever.

I will bless the name of the LORD

For His steadfast love

Is as high as the heavens are above the earth

It is from everlasting to everlasting. (Psalm 103)

I will give thanks and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever.

For me to live is Christ

And to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

Whatever God intends for me,

I know He means it for good. (Genesis 50: 20)

So I will give thanks always and bless His name,

For His steadfast love endures forever. (Psalm 107)

What Next?

         Recently I had my routine visit with my oncologist.  In the absence of new symptoms we once again made the decision to hold off on routine scans unless, or until, they occur.  That visit made me realize that, despite the fact that the cancer has not reared its ugly head again in the last three years, that "normal" will never again look like it did before the diagnosis in 2010.  Today's normal includes not being able to work as I deal with symptoms that weren't there before: chronic pain, limited mobility, fatigue and chemo brain - a very frustrating but often humorous symptom.  In addition it also includes a greater appreciation of the awesomeness of God's steadfast love and the simple joys in daily life.  The new normal includes great pleasure in interacting with three grandchildren whom I (humanly speaking) was not supposed to live to see.  It also includes a backdrop of apprehension as I live with the tension of wondering if the cancer will return before my latest grandbaby is born in November.  Daily life has changed greatly for me in this new normal and has caused an underlying frenzy that asks, "What now?"

              Not long ago, for the umpteenth time, I finished reading the Psalms while at the same time I completed a study of Hebrews chapter 11.  I have always marveled that the Psalms are full of lament, frustration and fear.  That in itself gives me great hope.  In an odd way I found that  my study in Hebrews followed very closely with the Psalms and helped to answer my question of "What now?"  The last part of Hebrews 10 shows that the eleventh chapter was written to a church that had been through a great deal of suffering.  Then come the examples God chose to give of those who followed in faith in chapter 11.  The beginning of chapter 12 explains that He gave us those examples so they could be a great "cloud of witnesses" to us and encourage us to endure and run the race with patience.  Many were the lessons I was able to glean from my reading and studying.

              One of the most notable lessons from this "Walk of Faith" was that each and every one of those whose faith was considered worthy to be testified of, suffered.  Their suffering was in various ways and to different degrees, but they all suffered.  As Christians we are promised we will suffer as well as be tried for our faith (see James 1, Philippians 3:10, Luke 9:23-24, Romans 8:17 to name only a few).  Looking at these individuals lives alongside the Psalms (and Job) it seems that the suffering can include much more than ridicule and persecution for faith.  I think it is fair to say that physical and mental health issues, heartbreak, relationship struggles, financial issues and so much more can be included.  More than that it seems that God's agenda is not just to relieve our suffering, but to redeem us through suffering which should cause us to look not only for symptom relief but for the fruit of the Spirit in the midst of hardship.

              Looking further at these individuals it is fascinating to see that they all had weaknesses.  Moses complained that he couldn't talk, Gideon repeatedly questioned his calling and Rahab  made her living as a harlot. All were sinful.  All were weak.  Yet God used their weakness greatly.  He didn't just use them despite their weakness. He used them through their weakness.  Paul says, "My strength is made perfect in weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9). Here is where the Psalms of lament come alongside Hebrews 11.  The Psalms make it clear that we can cry out to God with our fears and frustrations in our weakness and suffering and this passage in Hebrews shows us that God can and will use us in the same weakness and suffering.  It is a great comfort to me as I relate this to my own life and see that God is greater than my cancer and its effects.  It gives me great hope that He will use that and my many weaknesses for His kingdom.

              Another major lesson I gleaned from Hebrews 11 was found as I looked at the vision each of those testified of had.  They all looked in faith for something far off that they would never see in this life.  The end of that chapter and beginning of chapter 12 makes it clear that we have much more than they did since we can look back to Christ's great sacrifice and life even as we look past our time on this earth to the glory that will be ahead.  What is so marvelous is that the vision we have in Christ is sure and doesn't depend on us!

              Lastly it is very clear in Hebrews 11 that God wants it plain that, while He uses His people, it is His might and not our faith that accomplishes.  Sarah's plan to produce a son failed and God waited past her childbearing years to fulfill His promise. He caused Gideon's battle to be won with only 300 fighting men against a large army to show it was His hand the battle was won. The Israelites crossed the Red Sea on dry land as God held back the waters.  What peace it gives me to know that Jesus is the author and finisher of my faith (Hebrews 12:2)!  There is great security when my faith feels weak in knowing that I don't hope in my hope or my faith, but instead I hope in God who gives me that hope and faith.

              So, while my "What now?" question in my "new normal" is not specifically answered in Hebrews 11, I am encouraged to follow the examples in that passage and run the race with endurance.  For me - today - all I know is that means striving to reflect Christ every day in my thoughts, words and actions.  As He himself set the prime example before me, I pray daily that He will help me to befriend the unfriendly, help the weak, love the unlovely, give mercy to those in need walking beside those who suffer greater burdens than mine helping them to carry their load.

John Calvin says we should pray to God that He "would increase our hope when it is small, awaken it when it is dormant, confirm it when it is wavering, strengthen it when it is weak, and that he would even raise it up when it is overthrown."

"The practical belief of the existence of God, as revealed in the word, would be a powerful awe-band upon our souls, a bridle of restraint to keep us from sin, and a spur of constraint to put us upon all manner of gospel obedience." (Matthew Henry on Hebrews 11)

Now, the metaphor of a race is often to be found in Scripture; but here it means not any kind of race, but a running contest, which is wont to call forth the greatest exertions. The import of what is said then is, that we are engaged in a contest, even in a race the most celebrated, that many witnesses stand around us, that the Son of God is the umpire who invites and exhorts us to secure the prize, and that therefore it would be most disgraceful for us to grow weary or inactive in the midst of our course. And at the same time the holy men whom he mentioned, are not only witnesses, but have been associates in the same race, who have beforehand shown the way to us; and yet he preferred calling them witnesses rather than runners, in order to intimate that they are not rivals, seeking to snatch from us the prize, but approves to applaud and hail our victory; and Christ also is not only the umpire, but also extends his hand to us, and supplies us with strength and energy; in short, he prepares and fits us to enter on our course, and by his power leads us on to the end of the race. (John Calvin on Hebrews 11)

Cloudy Days

Ten years ago today my husband, surrounded by family and friends singing hymns and praising God, went Home to glory after a three year battle with lung cancer. Five years ago this month I was going through chemotherapy for the first occurrence of my cancer.  More recently I have  had good friends in the church body and family members with various afflictions and needs, some very overwhelming. One day recently these thoughts were weighing on my heart and mind and I thought how appropriate it was that the skies were gloomy and the clouds dark and ominous!  A few hours later, however, there were rays of the sun shining from behind the dark clouds.   By the afternoon the clouds were a wondrous sight to behold with some settling in a misty haze close to the earth while others were high in the sky. The colors in the clouds were indescribable with a multitude of different colors (some of which I wouldn't even know what to name) and varying shades of each!  It gave me pause to contemplate in wonder the Creator of those clouds.  Searching Scripture I realized that these clouds, and what God has to say about them, speak a great deal of theology.

Truly the heavens do indeed "declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork" (Psalm 19). Nahum 1: 3 says, "His way is in the whirlwind and storm, and the clouds are the dust of His feet." The Psalms talk about God speaking to His people, Israel, in the cloudy pillar (99:7), making the clouds His chariot (104:3) and giving the clouds as a covering (105:39).  If the clouds are but the dust of God's feet, what does that say of the magnificence of the God behind them as well as how obscure  His ways are to our vision and understanding.  C. H. Spurgeon said, "Any more than an ant can ask an eagle why it flies in the sky can we look at the clouds and ask why God does what He does." What do we have to fear as we see great clouds when we know how small they are in God's view?  What cloud hanging over our heads is so big that we fear it when God Himself rides in the clouds above?  Those are the same clouds that can't hold back the sun!

Those clouds that seem so gray yet shine forth the rays of  the sun also bring us showers of rain to sustain us.  God places in those same clouds the rainbow which is His eternal reminder of His covenant promise to us (Genesis 9:16).  As William Cowper says in one of my favorite hymns,

             

              Ye fearful saints fresh courage take;

              The clouds ye so much dread are big with mercy,

              And shall break in blessings on your head.

              (God Moves in a Mysterious Way His Wonders to Perform)

That being the case, should we not welcome everything God sends our way; and though we may fear as we enter into the cloud, believe in faith we will find God there where we will hear no voice but that of steadfast love! Whatever the cloud, the voice of the Lord speaks in it--"Fear not! when you pass through the water, I will be with you" (Isaiah 43:2) and "I will never leave you, nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). Our believing souls will be brought into perfect peace as our  faith anchors itself on God--the tempest will subside one day, and there will be a great calm.

To all my dear friends who are presently overwhelmed by the clouds of affliction or trials of whatever sort in your lives, may you remember today, the One who sits on His throne Whose feet stir up the dust of the clouds!  May you remember that He is the one who orders those same clouds and will also make them your sustenance from which come showers of blessing.  May you rest in the "shadow of His wings until these calamities have passed by," crying out to the One who "performs all things" for you (Psalm 57: 1-2).

 

"I Sing the Almighty Power of God" by Isaac Watts

              There's not a plant or flower below but makes your glories known;

              And clouds arise and tempests flow by order from your throne;

              While all that borrows life from you is ever in your care,

              And everywhere that man can be, you, God are present there.

Isaac Watts

              COME, we that love the Lord,

                And let our joys be known;

              Join in a song with sweet accord,

                And thus surround the throne.

             

              The God that rules on high,

                And thunders when He please,

              That rides upon the stormy sky,

               And manages the seas . . .

             

              This awesome God is ours,

                Our Father and our love;

              He shall send down His heavenly powers

                To carry us above.

             

              And here—before we rise

                To that immortal state—

              The thought of such a world of bliss

                Should constant joy create.

             

              God’s saints have ever found

                Glory begun below:

              That heavenly fruits on earthly ground

                From faith and hope may grow!