Dysphoria

The week of chemo is done and I have lived through it.  It is hard being on the patient side of things in a hospital when you have worked in one as long as I have (though I must say they treated me well).  I tolerated the first two days well, but it rapidly went downhill from there. Probably the worst part was how I react  to medicines use to control chemo and pain symptoms  I feel like many people take the drugs and feel rather euphoric;  what I felt was the opposite.  "Dysphoia" I think is a proper word though its meaning doesn't cover what I felt.  I felt like a zombie half in and half out of reality.  That is one of the worst things to feel.

I had some very pleasant visitors and interactions though who helped me along the way.  It got me to thinking of what a visitor can do when visiting a "zombie" patient such as I and how I could occupy my mind when I couldn't read or crochet.  The first few days I was rather alert and had a wonderful visit from my pastor.  I was quite alert at that point and gained much peace from his visit.  His wife came on one if my bad days.  When she saw I was useless in communication she didn't give up but asked if she could read to my from my Bible.   I'll admit I zoomed in and out as she mostly read verses I had underlined, but it was so wonderful to hear the Word.  When my children visited they talked to me when I was alert, but continued to talk to each other when I was out of it.  It gave me a sense of peace to hear them.  Friends and family sent me cards,  e-mails and phone calls (but were very sensitive to when I was fading).  When my children were there, they read the cards and e-mails to me.  I hope some of you are encouraged to visit when someone needs it and not worry about what to say.  Take your Bible along.

This week has been tough as my blood counts have dropped dangerously low.  Some of the chemo affects are gone, but new ones start.   Fighting a fever this weekend, I've praying that I can stay out of the hospital.  Lord willing, the counts will soon start up and the mouth ulcers will ease.  As I mumbled an incoherent prayer to God for myself, I realized that He knew what I needed before I asked.  That reminded me that I had lots of friends to pray for, so I began to barrage the Throne with prayers for these folks:  for those suffering the loss of a dear one.  for those trying to get help for a special need, for marital problems, for those who do not know the Lord and then I was able to start thinking of everyone I know and praying for whatever needs they might have.  Many times I feel asleep, but  knew that God know I'd be back.  It didn't take focus or steady hands to pray.

I found a good article by J.C. Ryle on prayers

             

          Taking Everything to God in Prayer — J.C. Ryle

           

We live in a world where sorrow abounds. This has always been its state since sin came in. There cannot be sin without sorrow. And till sin is driven out from the world, it is vain for any one to suppose he can escape sorrow.

Some without doubt have a larger cup of sorrow to drink than others. But few are to be found who live long without sorrows or cares of one sort or another. Our bodies, our property, our families, our children, our relations, our servants, our friends, our neighbours, our worldly callings, each and all of these are fountains of care. Sicknesses, deaths, losses, disappointments, partings, separations, ingratitude, slander, all these are common things. We cannot get through life without them. Some day or other they find us out. The greater are our affections the deeper are our afflictions, and the more we love the more we have to weep.

And what is the best receipt for cheerfulness in such a world as this? How shall we get through this valley of tears with least pain? I know no better receipt than the habit of taking everything to God in prayer.

This is the plain advice that the Bible gives, both in the Old Testament and in the New. What says the Psalmist ?” Call upon me in the day of trouble and I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.” (Psalm 1.15.) “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm lv. 22.) ‘What says the apostle Paul? “Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God, and the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your, hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Phil. iv. 6, 7.) What says the apostle James ?” Is any afflicted among you? let him pray.”

This was the practice of all the saints whose history we have recorded in the Scriptures. This is what Jacob did when he feared his brother Esau. This is what Moses did when the people were ready to stone him in the wilderness. This is what Joshua did when Israel was defeated before Ai. This is what David did when he was in danger at Keilah. This is what Hezekiah did when he received the letter from Sennacherib. This is what the Church did when Peter was put in prison. This is what Paul did when he was cast into the dungeon at Philippi.

The only way to be really happy in such a world as this, is to be ever casting all our cares on God. It is the trying to carry their own burdens which so often makes believers sad. If they will only tell their troubles to God, He will enable them to bear them as easily as Samson did the gates of Gaza. If they are resolved to keep them to themselves, they will find one day that the very grasshopper is a burden.

There is a friend ever waiting to help us if we will only unbosom to Him our sorrow,—a friend who pitied the poor, and sick, and sorrowful, when He was upon earth,—a friend who knows the heart of man, for He lived thirty-three years as a man amongst us,—a friend who can weep with the weepers, for He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief,—a friend who is able to help us, for their never was earthly pain He could not cure. That friend is Jesus Christ. The way to be happy is to be always opening our hearts to Him. . .

Jesus can make those happy who trust Him and call on Him, whatever be their outward condition. He can give them peace of heart in a prison,—contentment in the midst of poverty, —comfort in the midst of bereavements,—joy on the brink of the grave. There is a mighty fulness in Him for all His believing members, —a fulness that is ready to be poured out on every one that will ask in prayer. Oh! that men would understand that happiness does not depend on outward circumstances, but on the state of the heart.

Prayer can lighten crosses for us however heavy. It can bring down to our side one who will help us to bear them. Prayer can open a door for us when our way seems hedged up. It can bring down one who will say, “This is the way, walk in it.” Prayer can let in a ray of hope when all our earthly prospects seem darkened. It can bring down one who will say, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.” Prayer can obtain relief for us when those we love most are taken away, and the world feels empty. It can bring down one who can fill the gap in our hearts with Himself, and say to the waves within, “Peace, be still.” Oh! that men were not so like Hagar in the wilderness, blind to the well of living waters close beside them!