Joyful In My Barrel

Several months ago I developed severe pain shooting down my right leg.  The pain became constant and so severe that I was convinced the sarcoma had returned. Subsequent scans showed a slipped disc in my low back.  What the scans did not show was a return of the cancer!  What a relief that was!  It caused me to stop and think, however, how much of life with cancer is waiting; whether waiting for its return or waiting for a year to go by without it's return.  There are days since that I have little pain and days when I have severe pain.  Despite not living in fear of the sarcoma, every pain becomes a question: is this just the normal ache and pain of a rapidly getting older body or is it a return of the cancer?  Statistics predicting it will be back add to the constant feeling of waiting.

Lately as I have contemplated my journey with cancer as well as other hardships over the years in my life, I have thought of an analogy that, while definitely not perfect, has something to say about where I am today.  In a certain sense I think we as Christians are like a person in a barrel floating on the ocean of life.  Each person's barrel is different as the sides and bottom are the circumstances specifically ordained by God to mold each into the likeness of Christ.  We fit tightly in the barrel and often the sides pushing in on us are difficult to bear.  Those sides change over time as God grows us and brings new circumstances our way.

             

If we choose to attempt to chip away at the inside of the barrel we run the risk of making a hole in which the ocean waters threaten to come in and overwhelm us.   If we attempt to escape the barrel we find ourselves floundering in the ocean waves.  If we focus on the sides of the barrel, we will become despondent.  Our only hope is to look up through the top of the barrel and see the almighty hand of the One who has ordained everything that happens in our life.  Our joy is to know that His purpose is to perfect us, and that He never fails to accomplish His purpose.  Our comfort is found in knowing that these hardships and difficulties are not obstacles but instruments in God's hands.

             

 My faith is being tested by this time of waiting.  I take hope in the fact that God's providence is not tested, but simply and wonderfully IS.  His providence is as an unmoving rock.  Tested is my faith to wait with absolute assurance that He will do only that which is good for His people and glorifying to Him.  It is rather ironic as all of us are in a waiting pattern, no one any less or more than myself, because we do not know the plans God has for us.  Cancer simply seems to make it more visible.  I've come to realize that the real focus should be, what will I do in this period of waiting. 

             

As I Peter 1 (quoted below) indicates, these trials (even the trial of waiting) are to test the genuineness of my faith and to purify it to the praise, glory and honor of Christ!  I'm told in Scripture to wait on the Lord and see that He is good.  As I wait I am convinced that the most blessed joy in my relationship with God has been, and is, grown in the soil of my deepest trials and struggles.  I have come to understand that these trials are instruments in God's hands and an opportunity to experience more of God's grace and spread it to those around me.  I am learning to stop focusing on the wait for the return of the cancer and instead wait with joyful expectation to see how God will work out these trials in my life.

I Peter 1: 3-9

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,

obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

From a letter from the late Pastor Jack Miller in discussing our focus in life,

...there is nothing that can clear the vision faster than the discovery that all things are temporary and so am I.  So what I do with my life should center on working with matters that will remain unshaken at the return of the Lord Jesus.  Get a good view of the temporariness of life and - believe it or not- you will enjoy it more.  When we get our footsies so mired down in time that we think it is eternal, we become subject to all the ups and downs, the vagaries, of time.  Our loves are so easily disturbed because we are loving only what is changing and finally will be replaced altogether.  But to see this temporariness of  many of our dreams isn't bad.  We cannot remain adolescents forever.  God's will is for us to become adults, and the heart of being an adult is the capacity to put away the toys and put on the love and joy and peace of Christ.  The mind of Christ brings such quietness where otherwise the life would be ruled by discontent and all kinds of defenses and ambitions.

              But then Christ gives the surrendered Christian good dreams, beautiful visions of His glory working in lives, and gives us a simple trust that He will grant us the deepest desires of our hearts. (C. John Miller The Heart of a Servant)

             

What My Mother's Life Taught Me

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

(Be Still My Soul verse 3 by Kathrina von Schlegel)

I am a very blessed woman to have been born to Arlena Mahaffy, my dear Mother who went Home to her Savior on April 30, 2015 after ninety-seven years on this earth.  When she departed I lost, not only my Mother, but a woman who had become one of my best friends.  The last few weeks as I have contemplated how much she has meant to me, I realized that the best way for me to honor her is to learn from her and follow as I can in her footsteps, as her footsteps definitely followed the Lord's.  Like no one else I have known on this earth, her life was about serving her Lord.

Chiefly she served Him by being selfless; giving of herself for others.  As a new wife many years ago, she gave up the life she had known, her family and friends to go with her husband to the depths of Africa where she served the people she came to love.  What was needed she cheerfully gave:  phonics charts for her husband to use as he put a language into writing, medical care which she learned as natives showed up with a variety of serious ailments, meals to any who dropped by and in endless other ways.  She gave up much to teach her seven children and several others.   When needed, she set up teaching curriculum for other missionaries.  Back in the states, she taught school to subsidize her husband's income never stopping fulfilling the responsibilities of a pastor's wife and a mother at the same time.  When a neighbor needed food, she was the one to bring a meal.  When visitors came to church they were always invited home for dinner.

She also served Him by keeping busy.  Mother believed with all her heart that for six days she was to work and then rest the seventh.  In all of my life I can never remember a time when she didn't fill her days with activities directed towards what she thought the Lord wanted her to do. Sometimes that meant spending extra time at school providing materials for a parent.   In her later years, despite often being very tired, it often meant  getting material together so that she could give her best when tutoring.  Sometimes that meant calling (or in her eighties and nineties e-mailing) lonely friends, friends she had been praying for or friends she had promised advice to.  It often meant staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning to complete the day's activities that she felt she needed to get done.  What she did, she believed in doing well.

Mother was uncomplaining despite often having what most of us would consider ample reason to complain.  On the mission field she did not complain about her encounters with deadly snakes and scorpions, bandits shooting over the house, backwards conditions for delivering her babies or having more on her plate than she could do.   As she aged her vision deteriorated along with her heart and her mobility.  Though legally blind late in her life I never once heard her complain about that or her other health ailments.  

She was quite the prayer warrior.  There was no need for Mother to keep a list of those she had promised to pray for.  She had the list in her head and in her heart and would not go to bed before she had completed praying for those in need every day.  Frequently when I happened to get up at 1 or 2 in the morning I would see her light on and find her still in her chair praying for those whom she had promised to pray before allowing herself to sleep. 

Those are just a few of the godly characteristics I saw in Mother.  She was a loving, gracious, merciful and determined woman who delighted to do for others as she did for the Lord.  Many have risen up and called her blessed.  Many are the lives she has touched around the world and is still touching.   As I ponder how to be more like her I have asked myself how she became who she was and I think it is primarily because she saturated herself in the Word.  Even when her eyesight was failing her she painstakingly read the Bible with her magnifiers.  She had rare time for TV or radio, but she always had time to listen to her Talking Bible.  Most nights she went to bed with it being read to her.  During the day as she worked she often had a sermon being played explaining parts of the Bible.  When she woke up in the night she would make herself work on Bible memory bemoaning the fact that in her nineties she couldn't retain as much as she did in her younger years.

I miss my dear Mother and have determined to work harder in my life to emulate some of her wonderful godly qualities.  Oh, that God would use me as He used her on this earth!  What a wonderful thing that would be!

How To Prepare For Death

One of the dearest ladies I know, my precious Mother, at 97 years young became suddenly ill a few weeks ago and was told that medically there was nothing more that could be done for her.  This is a vital lady who was tutoring the week before.  My Mother's life has been an example to me of what a woman of God should be like:  she is gracious, loving, industrious and so many more things.  She lives today, but does not know what tomorrow will bring.  She would love to continue longer on this earth doing the things she enjoys, but is accepting of whatever God chooses for her. 

             

      With my Mother's poor prognosis and my living with cancer we have had many good conversations in the past few weeks, as well as done a great deal of reading on the subject of dying and death.  I asked Mother to tell me what she would say about how to prepare for death and this wise woman shared her thoughts with me.  She asked me to share with her friends and mine what we discussed.   

      She makes a point first of saying that dying is not like birth, a one-time event, but requires life-long preparation.  A Christian's life should be spent living as though they could be called to die at any time.  Well before a person dies they need to ask, "Am I prepared to die?"  You need to think on the mistakes made through life, she says, the sins committed against God and the life not lived for Him and you need to repent.  Constantly evaluate your life in view of Scripture and ask if you are living Christ-like or living for yourself.  Then you need to repent to God Almighty and take great hope in the fact that it is not your faith, your life, your determination that will attain Heaven for you, but it is only the blood of Jesus Christ shed for the sins of His people.  Several friends have told Mother recently that they didn't doubt she was headed to Heaven because she was such a saint.  She is quick to respond that when one is dead in sins, one can't be saintly enough to be alive in Christ!  You can rest in that great hope only if you are His child, knowing that God loves to save His people and then nothing can shake you out of the palm of His hand. 

  

            You must be willing, she says, to accept death because God calls us to die as much as He calls us to live.  Even in dying we do it for Him.  Remember that though the process of death may be difficult the end result is an eternity singing God's praises in a place where there are no more tears, no more sorrow and no more pain (Revelation 21: 4).  She says that she knows Christ will escort her soul to be with Him when He is ready and that she has nothing to fear.

              When death comes close, don't be frightened she says.  Remember the Shepherd who walks through the "valley of the shadow of death" with His people (Psalm 23) but she is quick to point out that you must not forget that this assurance only applies if He is your shepherd.  Take great comfort that He will not take you one moment before your work for Him on earth is done.  Pray.  Take your fears, your pain, your weakness and your sins to the One who loves you with a love that "neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from."  (Romans 8: 38)  Read His word and find comfort.  Read what those who have gone on before have had to say (she highly recommends a book we have been reading, O Love That Will Not Let me Go;  Facing Death with Courageous Confidence in God edited by Nancy Guthrie).  Call on brothers and sisters in Christ to walk the path with you and to fervently pray for you. 

            A friend of my Mother's, a 102 year old pastor, sent her an e-mail the other day that I hope he doesn't mind my sharing.  The subject line was "God speaking," and the body of the e-mail said, "'I will never leave you, nor forsake you' Hebrews 13:5"  What an apt message when a Christian faces death.  It can be said no better! Thank you for your gracious, loving prayers for Mother and Myself! They are, as Andrew Murray says, the empty hands of faith which reach up to our loving heavenly Father to receive His blessings to bring down to earth--your prayers have obtained many, many blessings for us! May God richly bless you all!

     Below is a quote by Richard Baxter from Directions for a Peaceful Death.  Mother was enriched by his message and encourages you to read more of it in the book noted above or on-line at http://www.puritansermons.com/baxter/baxter17.htm.

 Remember whose messenger sickness is, and who it is that calls you to die. It is he, that is the Lord of all the world, and gave us the lives which he takes from us; and it is he, that must dispose of angels and men, of princes and kingdoms, of heaven and earth; and therefore there is no reason that such worms as we should desire to be excepted. You cannot deny him to be the disposer of all things, without denying him to be God: it is he that loves us, and never meant us any harm in any thing that he has done to us; that gave the life of his Son to redeem us; and therefore thinks not life too good for us. Our sickness and death are sent by the same love that sent us a Saviour, and sent us the powerful preachers of his word, and sent us his Spirit, and secretly and sweetly changed our hearts, and knit them to himself in love; which gave us a life of precious mercies for our souls and bodies, and has promised to give us life eternal; and shall we think, that he now intends us any harm? Cannot he turn this also to our good, as he has done many an affliction which we have complained about?

Look by faith to your dying, buried, risen, ascended, glorified Lord. Nothing will more powerfully overcome both the poison and the fears of death, than the believing thoughts of him that has triumphed over it. Is it terrible as it separates the soul from the body? So it did by our Lord, who yet overcame it. Is it terrible as it lays the body in the grave? So it did by our Saviour; though he saw not corruption, but quickly rose by the power of his Godhead. He died to teach us believingly and boldly to submit to death. He was buried, to teach us not overmuch to fear a grave. He rose a again to conquer death for us, and to assure those who rise to newness of life, that they shall be raised at last by his power unto glory; and being made partakers of the first resurrection, the second death shall have no power over them. He lives as our head, that we might live by him; and that he might assure all those that are here risen with him, and seek first the things that are above, that though in themselves they are dead, "yet their life is hid with Christ in God; and when Christ who is our life shall appear, then shall we also appear with him in glory," Col. 3:1,2,4,5. What a comfortable word is that, John 14:19, "Because I live, you shall live also." Death could not hold the Lord of life; nor can it hold us against his will, who has the "keys of death and hell," Rev. 1:18. He loves every one of his sanctified ones much better than you love an eye, or a hand, or any other member of your body, which you are not willing to lose if you are able to save it. When he ascended, he left us that message full of comfort for his followers, John 20:17, "Go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; to my God, and your God." Which, with these two following, I would have written before me on my sick bed. "If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there also shall my servant be," John 12:26. And, "Verily, I say unto you, to-day shall you be with me in paradise," Luke 23:43. Oh what a joyful thought should it be to a believer, to think when he is dying, that he is going to his Saviour, and that our Lord is risen and gone before us, to prepare a place for us, and take us in season to himself, John 14:2-4. "As you believe in God, believe thus in Christ; and then your hearts will be less troubled," ver. 1. It is not a stranger that we talk of to you; but your Head and Saviour, that loves you better than you love yourselves, whose office it is there to appear continually for you before God, and at last to receive your departing souls; and into his hand it is, that you must then commend them, as Stephen did, Acts 7:59.